Today I am thankful for God choosing me.
“I don’t want to get up God!.” I complained, as I gathered the covers around my chin. Whether or not God is really telling me to ‘Get up’ or not, I’m not sure and yet I often find my drowsy, ”Just five more minutes” directed towards him.
I had planned to get up early this morning so that I could spend extra time with Jesus, just like I had planned the day before and yet didn't. Finally I did get up, more to do with the roster screaming his head off then with conviction. As I waited for my coffee on the stove I went outside the gate to see the sunrise, the sun was just beginning to peak over the mountains. I could hear drums beating and singing in the distance and felt ashamed of myself, here I am greeting the day, Thanksgiving day, with complaints and the Didinga people rise early to dance.
The sunrise was beautiful and I exhaled as I thought how much I really do love early mornings (Once I'm up) and how beautiful it is in Nagishot. After pouring my cup of coffee and grabbing my Bible, I began walking to a reading spot, I saw Mama Josh (the pastors wife) on the way, planting a field of tomatoes, she greeted me and said “Happy Thanksgiving!” Mama Josh remembering that it is Thanksgiving is just like her, not because she has a great memory or loves American holidays, rather, she remembers because she knows it’s important to us, so she chooses to remember.
Anyway, back to the subject, when I finally did start reading and spending time with God…I was reflecting on being here in Didinga, and how in so many ways it is the fulfillment of my heart’s desire. I started to think about who God could have called instead of me to be here. A doctor would be so useful or an actual trained teacher, maybe someone who has experience overseas or is gifted with languages, or maybe just someone who doesn't complain when raising early in the mourning, instead he chose ME to come…Why?
If you are faithful reader of my blogs you know that grammar and spelling are not my strong suit. You may think that I just don’t use spell check or re-read over my writing, nope, I agonize over it and yet it’s still full of glitches. I have to fight my pride every time I post something, because, I know it’s probably not perfect and it’s embarrassing to me. Today I am thankful for even my academic weakness, I'm even thankful that I am clumsy and scatterbrained and that I say the wrong things all the time. The other day I told our South Sudan director that 'I've always wanted to work in a brothel.' It wasn't until his confused look, that I realized my mistake, "I mean with WOMEN, WOMEN in brothels...You know to share the gospel!” Oh, I could go on and on but I won’t… You may be wondering why am sharing this with you? Strangely, today I am thankful for my weaknesses, is not because they are good, rather it's because I believe the goodness of God can be shown through them.
God loves to use the unlikely, the incapable and the unworthy, Why? So that his grace can be shown through them. If I can do anything good here in Didinga, it isn't me, It must certainly be God because I am incapable, I am unlikely, I am unworthy but I am so thankful God has brought me here to Didinga! I am blessed to be able to share Gods word. I would chose no other life, I am so blessed! This has been the most fulfilling time in my life. Not necessarily because God is using me but rather because I know he wants too and he can.
Isn't it beautiful! I'll welcome weakness if Gods strengths can be seen clearer! Bring on humiliation if Gods glory can be shown brighter! I want to show Gods glory through my life. You see you cannot show Gods glory without seeing it yourself…And it is the most beautiful thing in all heaven and earth.
As David said, “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked."
Also, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his Temple."
Even though my Thanksgiving is different than most Americans…For instance, I am the only American in Nagishot at present and my fine meal consisted of leftover soup I made yesterday, if I get real crazy I’ll make some popcorn… Yet, my heart is so utterly content and thankful.
Who cares about my frailty or imperfection being seen when I am confident I am fully known as well as fully loved by the one I care about most?
I wrote this in my Journal today…It doesn't exactly rhyme… but for my sake, pretend it does.
He uses fishermen as Apostles, shepherds as kings, the stuttering as speakers to set nations free. He turns harlots into mothers birthing great queens and kings. He uses sinners and beggars and he can use you and me.
He changed little into much and water into wine, death into life, persecutors into preachers, Old women into warriors, The perverse and profane are now fetching glory to His name. Yes, He who walks on seas can change you and me.
As I beat my chest, crying “Mercy unto me!” Finding his love abundantly free, I thank God who for the wonder of his glory can use you and me.
Alright, I'm not going to agonize over this one...I'm going to go make some popcorn! Happy Thanksgiving!